You have cried more in the last few days than you have in years. Sometimes it is quiet. Sometimes you can barely get a sentence out. You stop long enough to make a drink or answer a message, then walk past their bed and start again.
Perhaps the crying has followed you beyond those first days. You are back at work, shopping for food, doing what needs to be done. But you are doing much of it with tears close to the surface.
Alongside missing them, you may be frightened by how much you are crying. How are you supposed to get through a day like this? How long can it go on? Does it mean you are not coping?
Crying can be part of grieving a beloved pet. By itself, it does not tell you that something is wrong. But you also deserve help if the distress feels unmanageable. You do not have to choose between taking your grief seriously and getting support.
This article looks at what frequent crying can mean, what research can and cannot explain, and some ways to make the next few hours more manageable.
In this article
1. Why Am I Crying So Much After My Pet Died?
Your pet was part of the way you lived, not only someone you loved.
There was a particular time you fed them. A place you expected to find them. A small adjustment you made in bed because they were already asleep beside you. You might have spoken to them dozens of times a day without noticing how much company those conversations gave you.
Now you keep arriving at moments that used to include them.
You wake up and remember. You reach for their bowl and remember. You come home and hear the silence before you have even put your keys down. Each moment can make the absence feel immediate again.
You may also be carrying more than sadness. Perhaps you are replaying their last hours, questioning a decision, or feeling exhausted after a long period of caring for them. There may be relief that their suffering has ended alongside an aching wish that they were still here.
Cornell University’s pet loss resources describe grief as a changing experience that can involve different emotions and does not follow a straightforward path. There is room for more than one feeling, and for those feelings to change. Cornell University: Pet Loss Resources and Support
You do not need to identify the exact reason for every tear. Sometimes you simply miss the ordinary life you had together.
2. Does Crying Help—and What If I Feel Worse Afterwards?
You may have heard that a good cry will make you feel better. Sometimes it does. Sometimes you finish crying and feel tired, sore and just as sad as before.
Research does not support one simple account of what crying does for everyone. A review of the evidence found that its effects on mood vary, including with the circumstances and the support someone receives. Feeling relief is possible, but it is not a guaranteed result. Gračanin, Bylsma and Vingerhoets, 2014
In a laboratory study involving 197 female undergraduate students, researchers compared responses after sad or neutral videos. They found no differences between the groups in cortisol changes. This was not a study of pet bereavement, and it cannot explain an individual person’s grief. It does show why claims that tears reliably lower stress hormones need caution. Sharman and colleagues, 2020
You do not need a chemical explanation to justify your tears. And you have not failed if crying does not bring relief.
There is no need to force yourself to cry, keep an episode going, or seek out painful reminders because you think you must “let it all out.” You can take a break from photographs, close a conversation, or accept someone’s company.
Your grief does not need to produce a particular result every time you express it.
3. How Long Will I Keep Crying Like This?
It is understandable to want a date. Something that tells you when you will be able to get through breakfast, a meeting or the journey home without falling apart.
There is no reliable deadline that applies to everyone. Pet bereavement support recognises that people experience loss differently; someone else’s pattern cannot tell you what yours should be. Cornell University: Pet Loss Resources and Support
Rather than counting only the days or tears, notice what daily life is becoming like. Are you able to eat, rest and take care of essential needs? Is someone helping you? Are there any moments of respite, or does the distress feel relentless?
These questions are not a test you have to pass. They can help you explain what is happening when you talk to someone.
You do not need to wait until you have been struggling for a particular number of weeks before asking for support. Equally, a day with fewer tears does not mean you should now be finished grieving.
If you had begun to feel more able to manage and the crying has returned, Why Pet Loss Grief Comes in Waves explores that experience in more detail.
4. What Can I Do When the Crying Feels Overwhelming?
You may not have the energy for a long list of things to try. Start with the immediate situation. These are practical options, not a treatment plan or requirements for grieving well.
Get somewhere safe. If tears are affecting your vision or concentration while driving, pull over somewhere safe. Pause any task that needs your full attention. You do not have to finish it before attending to yourself.
Make the next task smaller. Instead of deciding how to get through the whole day, decide what needs to happen next. Sit down. Put the kettle down. Send one message. Let the rest wait briefly.
Ask for something specific. It may be easier to say, “Could you stay on the phone with me?” than to explain everything you feel. Other requests might be, “Can you bring something to eat?” or “Could you handle this call for me?”
Choose whether a reminder helps right now. Holding their blanket may be comforting, or it may feel unbearable. You can put it beside you, leave it in another room, or decide later. You do not have to make a permanent decision about their belongings during a difficult moment.
Let someone help with basic care. Eating, resting and accepting support can be difficult during grief, but they still matter. Healthdirect recommends looking after physical health and spending time with supportive people. A friend can help with the practical parts when you have little energy. Healthdirect: Grief and loss
Take breathing difficulties seriously. Do not assume sudden difficulty breathing is only grief or panic. If you are struggling to breathe, particularly with chest pain or difficulty speaking, seek emergency medical help. MedlinePlus: Breathing difficulties MedlinePlus: Chest pain
You are allowed to want the crying to ease. Wanting relief does not mean you want your pet to matter less.
If your loss happened in the last few days
The First 72 Hours is a free guide for the first hours, the first night and the days that follow a pet’s death. You can have it sent by email and read it when you have the capacity.
5. Getting Through Work, Public Places and the Night
Crying at home can be exhausting. Crying where you feel watched can bring another layer of worry: who will notice, what will they say, and how will you get through the next thing?
At work, consider telling one person who can offer practical help. You do not need to explain the whole relationship or defend why the loss matters.
You could say:
“My pet has died and I’m having a difficult time. I may need to step away briefly today.”
If you need time off or a temporary adjustment, ask what is available through your workplace. You can describe the effect on your ability to work without sharing details you would rather keep private.
Outside work, allow yourself some flexibility. A shorter shopping trip, help with an errand or leaving an event early may be more manageable than trying to carry on exactly as usual.
At night, their absence may feel especially noticeable. There is no evening routine to carry out, no familiar sound, no weight beside you. You do not have to decide tonight whether to move their bed or wash their blanket.
Consider arranging a check-in with someone before bedtime. If looking through photographs leaves you increasingly distressed, you can put them away for the evening. That is a decision about what you need tonight, not about how much you love them.
If the house itself feels difficult to bear, Why Your Home Feels Empty After Your Pet Dies looks more closely at that everyday absence.
6. What If I Stop Crying—or Cannot Cry at All?
After crying so much, a quiet period can bring an unexpected worry: why am I not crying now?
You might laugh at something, become absorbed in a task, or wake up feeling numb. You may then question whether the grief was real, or whether feeling better means leaving your pet behind.
Tears cannot measure the value of a relationship.
The amount you cry is not a test of how much you loved them. Someone who cries often has not necessarily loved more than someone who is quiet, numb or unable to cry. Grief can include sadness, anger, guilt and other responses, rather than one required outward expression. Cornell University: Pet Loss Resources and Support
You do not need to reopen a painful memory to prove that you still care. A meal you enjoy, a conversation that holds your attention or a few hours without tears can simply be part of the day.
Your relationship with your pet contains much more than the moment of their death and the pain that followed it.
7. When to Seek More Support
You can ask for support at any point. You do not need to decide for yourself whether your grief fits a diagnosis.
Contact a GP or family doctor, counselor, psychologist or another qualified mental health professional if the distress is making everyday life difficult, disrupting sleep or eating, or leaving you persistently overwhelmed or hopeless. Healthdirect identifies interference with daily life and ongoing intense distress as reasons to seek help. Healthdirect: Grief and loss
The US National Institute of Mental Health also advises seeking professional help for severe symptoms lasting two weeks or more, and speaking with a provider if symptoms worsen or self-care is not helping. This is general mental health guidance, not a deadline for grief and not a reason to delay help when you need it now. NIMH: My Mental Health—Do I Need Help?
You can begin with plain words: “My pet died and I keep crying. I’m struggling to sleep and manage the day.” That is enough to start a conversation.
A pet loss group or bereavement service may offer understanding too. Ask about experience supporting people after an animal’s death. A support group, an email or an article can provide company, but does not replace professional care when you need it.
If you need urgent support
If you are thinking about suicide or harming yourself, seek immediate help. If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.
United States: Call or text 988 for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day.
UK and Ireland: Call 116 123 for Samaritans, free, day or night.
Europe: Select your country at Find A Helpline for local services. Languages, contact options and opening hours vary.
Australia: Call 13 11 14 for Lifeline, available 24 hours a day.
Elsewhere: Use Find A Helpline to find support in your country.
8. You Do Not Have to Explain Every Tear
There may be people who do not understand why this loss has affected you so deeply. You do not have to persuade every one of them.
It is reasonable to want company that lets you say your pet’s name, tell the same story again, or sit quietly without being hurried.
For today, you can miss them and accept help with dinner. You can cry and ask someone to stay. You can put their photograph away for an hour and bring it back later.
There is no promise here that tomorrow will be easier. There is an invitation to make sure you are supported through it.
Your pet mattered. So does how you are managing now.
A little company, when you want it
The Healing Letter is a free email from The Pet Loss Studio: a welcome email, followed by one letter a week for thirteen weeks. Written from lived experience of pet loss, the letters offer words to return to when you want some understanding.
Read them in your own time. There is no expectation to reply, and you can unsubscribe whenever you wish.
Sources and further reading
Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine. Pet Loss Resources and Support.
Gračanin, A., Bylsma, L. M., and Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M. (2014). Is crying a self-soothing behavior? Frontiers in Psychology, 5, 502.
Sharman, L. S., Dingle, G. A., Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M., and Vanman, E. J. (2020). Using crying to cope: Physiological responses to stress following tears of sadness. Emotion, 20(7), 1279–1291.
Healthdirect Australia. Grief and loss.
National Institute of Mental Health (2025). My Mental Health: Do I Need Help?.
MedlinePlus. Breathing difficulties—first aid.
MedlinePlus. Chest Pain.
Crisis-support information: 988 Lifeline, Samaritans, Find A Helpline and Lifeline Australia.
Sources checked November 4, 2026.